소원이 있나요? ♥

Goodbye is a horrible word.

2008-11-01T23:48:33Z

Goodbye, October..

.

I hardly go on this anymore ... I've kind of neglected this for blogspot >____< !
I guess I'll use this for the communities and all, but that's it really ... No blogging here.
Blogspot has a different feel to it; don't worry, this isn't a promotion rofl. I'm just saying =)
thatmelody.blogspot.com - Link to my (other) blog .

Anyways, I've been feeling really .. blah, lately.
I kind of have "Almost Lover" in my head, whenever I say goodbye to something ..
Hm. Effective song-writing, A Fine Frenzy :)

I should go drink some tea or coffee ... and warm my hands.
Goodbye .. for now .

There's never enough time.

2008-10-03T23:44:27Z

Another ugly day in Mississauga - another repeated Epik High playlist.

I'm fallin', fallin', fallin', fallin' deeper .
Fallin', fallin' into you.

I took a nap yesterday ... I kind of forgot all of my stress in that 4 hours when my mind was dormant. I guess that makes sense. You can't feel emotions when you're unconscious. Wait, can you? I mean ... if you're dead, would you be able to dwell on the concept of /being/ dead? Or would your mind just be blank? I won't bring theology or philosophy or any of that shit into this. Just wonderin', y'know.

- Piece Of You - Epik High -

I feel like reminiscing again. On what? I don't know haaaaah. Days when it was warmer? 'Cause I'm hella cold right now. Days when I was more full of life? 'Cause I'm hella tired right now. Days when I was sure of things? 'Cause I'm hella phased and confused .. since then.

My hands are all of the above, in-one; my tired hands are cold and .. phased? ahahaha.
Ow, it hurts to laugh. Maybe it's my bra cutting off circulation. LOL.

I feel like posting a YouTube video. I don't know, but I always have my doubts. Whatever, it's YouTube though.

I don't know if I'll even find the time.

Honestly, I hate the months of Autumn.
Remembering stupid way back playbacks from around this time, last year; spending money like maaaad; messed up schedules.
Ugh, I'll suck it up and just end up losing more sleep again?
Whatever I'm used to that already.

Ooh, 1825 (Paper Cranes) - Epik High.
Just came on. Now it's on repeat.

Oh, and my green tea is ready.
Time for a bit of relaxation ... I don't think I'll have time for this again. I should probably savour this moment.

Procrastination and brain contamination.

2008-09-10T23:42:48Z

The GazettE, Dir en grey, alice nine., ONE ON ROCK - repeat repeat repeat.
Why am I all of a sudden back into this ?
Well, actually, it's not all of a sudden, since I haven't stopped liking this. Pop can give you some pleasure and irritability, with their catchy lyrics and beats; the thing is, you can easily grow tired of it. I guess, to me, I could never grow out of k/jrock. The riffs, solos, melodies, harmonies, lyrics - I don't think someone can grow out of a natural high (that easy). Anyway, I digress.

All the work I was supposed to have done for tomorrow is ... either not done or half-assed. The weird thing is I promised myself I'd try ... somewhat, this year. Pf, motivation hasn't kicked in or been found yet. Note to self: self, you fucking fail.
Maybe I'm being sidetracked (AGAIN, WHAT THE SHIT? rofl)

Especially after I saw that.
Publicizing that kind of shit, and then probably expecting a reaction from me ? Maybe not an outward reaction, but something to piss me off. Seriously, grow the fuck up. You won't get a riot out of me with that. Aside from this half-assed rant, which doesn't count for much .. especially if you don't read it, lolol.
AAAAANYWAY, enough of you. This was one bridge I didn't burn. The whole reason things are messed is because of your ego, lawl.
If you have any preconceived ideas about who this is, trust me - you're completely off.

COLORS - FLOW
Yes. Make me happy for a bit, please.

Sing along, you're my favourite song.

2008-09-05T01:50:26Z

Hello, it's hell-a-fucking hot in my room ... I'm sweaty like a jolly kid's rectum after walking. I've been doing my science homework for the past 2 - 3 hours. Funny thing is, it's just a title page and questions... I'm either really OCD this year, or just really keen with details...
alice nine playlist - rinse, repeat. It's calming me, but I can't get this one song out of my head. You know, same old.

So today was ... eventful to say the least. Rawr. Fuck, what's with people stalling in the middle of the hallway ? At least be decent enough to move to the fucking side. Geez. Was I like that when I was a niner? ... Probably, rofl. Bulldozed my way to get to class, feeling the need to kick someone in the back of the leg, but held back. Doodled all over my papers again. Discovered a passion for drawing extremely fucked up things that look cute in a way. Doodled six hearts on my arms in Science and English. No reason.. I guess I should put that sketchbook to use, instead.

The heartbeats that resound and blend, they no longer exist
I held my fingers up above my head, I can't reach
That precious flicker, and that voice
We can't go back to the way we were at that time

I've (temporarily?) reverted back to jrock, with random craves for SHINee and whatever. Wide eyes, too many whys, coffee breaks, headaches. What the hell, what a week.

edit:
So I finally finished all my work ... That's due tomorrow, anyways. I look up to my screen and see a billion people who've left messages. .. Nice.
I hate small talk.
I hate when people start a "what's up" conversation and leave it at that.
I hate how I suddenly feel nervous after writing that sentence.
I hate when I'm tired and pms-y at the same time.

...Uh, I hate how my stomach hurts.
The end for today ...

'Cause you're still in my room.

2008-09-04T02:02:17Z

SHINee on repeat - wait, the fuuuuuck ?
Yeah, my mood's been messed with these past few weeks ...

Last week of summer, and I was hellaaaa pumped for school. I don't know, I wanted to get back into it. Bored of sitting at home, watching video after video. That can only entertain someone for so long, uknow.
So, school started.
First full day of school, and already I forget a bunch of shit. Wow, typical. Oh well, things turned out okay. I always seem to find a way to hustle my way out of these kinds of predicamentsssss. Yenno yenno. I digress, because there's not much more I can say. Typical Abby moves, right.

So on the other end of the high-school spectrum, these memories start flowing back to me; somethings - well, most things - I'd rather not think about and dwell upon, but keeps getting brought up. Everything I do now seems to have a fucking effervescence of you. ~~LIKE... GODDAMN - GET THE HELL OUT OF MY MIND.~~ And for some reason, I can't even look you in the eye.
None of you.
Not ... uh.
Not the one I secretly hate for helping to fuck things up.
Not the ones I had the tiniest things for, for less than a week.
Why ?

Maybe I don't want to. Maybe I'm scared. Maybe I'm unsure.
Maybe I just ... can't.
Ugggh, who knoooows - because I certainly don't.

I can't even write anymore. ( Not like I had a way with words before, but that's irrelevant. )
My inspiration's been gone for awhile. Maybe I have permanent writer's block ... Er. Wow, that sucks then.

So I guess I'll spill more shit when things get heated. Maybe something'll happen. Maybe I'll even say hi sometime in the near future. Maybe I'll breakdown. LOL. ( Shit, am I full of maybes? )
Again, who fucking knows.

Hm. I'll be surprised if he reads this.
If you are..

Hi. How are you. I've been meaning to say something, but meh, I can't find the words for anything anymore. I still rike you. OH WOAH, big surprise. Not in that creepy way, but you know.. Admire from a distance ? Don't worry, I'm not like before. I took what you said into consideration; shit people say doesn't fall on dead ears, uknow. Anyway, I guess I learned, but not because I was expectant of a reaction or anything. I just promised myself I would change to show you I'm not like how you thought I was. I'm not that stupid little girl. I'm fucking embarrassed typing all this shit, because I know I'll regret saying this in the future ... again. Oh God, but whatever.

LOL yeah right.
Like aaaanyone takes the time to read this - -;

Anyway ... I should do homework.
Georgis up my ass with those high heels?
Naw thanks, buddy.

Edit:
Yeah, wtf.
I can't believe I even typed out that last paragraph...
Um. I take it back. Pretend I never said that.
Uh.
Yeah.
That is all.

Boiling point reached.

2008-08-08T02:02:04Z

Honestly. Some of you ELFs are just .... AeopjfoijifjiohwfohoiwhoifhDDDFEGreGHG.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TAKE AN SJ-M SONG AND CUT OUT THE PARTS OF THE TWO MEMBERS THAT MAKE THE GROUP UNIQUE ?
AKA HENRY + ZHOUMI.

FUCK THE RETARD WHO DID THAT.

1.pickup. mofile. com/3780496634145403

2.www. fs2you. com/zh-cn/files/3b8e17c0-4b77-11dd-ac08-0014221f4662/

^ WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT ?!
I should find you and kick the shit out of you right now.

My GOD.

Some of you self-proclaimed ELFs should have your title stripped.
How can you say you're faithful to SJ when you constantly bash and attack their ~~co-members, companions, friends~~ brothers ?

Fucking stupid people .
Disgust me.

Far away or nonexistent ?

2008-08-04T04:52:41Z

I'll never make it. That's how I feel.
No matter how hard I work, I'll stay in this one, claustrophobic spot.

...But honest to God,
I wanna be something that I've always dreamed of - longed from - aspired to be.

I'm done pretending I'm fine with being mediocre or following easier paths
or doing what they expect from me or doing something that'd protect me from any sort of downfall.

If I fail, I fail. Let that "burden" be on me - it's my choice, and I'll deal with it.
Ever since ever, I've known that this is solely what I want.
So let me try. Let me do it.
And pleaseeeee, God.
Let it work out in the future.

"I know you'll Love Me After 12AM."

2008-08-01T06:26:32Z

You better, because it's going to be a long night -___- lololol @ me.

Insomnia's back, and worse than it ever was.
Before, it was just a matter of "I'll sleep at 1 AM. WADEVA."
Then I started to push it as far as it would go. Now, trying to wake up early to exercise ?
... I'm far beyond the UR-UNHEALTHY-PLZ level .

I've been emotionally up and down, except to breaking points and extremes.
If I'm happy, I'm too happy for words. If I'm sad, I feel like I wanna run onto the street and get hit by the bus lawls.

Oh and wtf, Ive been giving advice and saying all this shit; I honestly don't think I'm suitable for that (right now), contrary to popular belief, especially since I can't even get back up from the hole I've rapidly dug for myself. GEEEEEZ.

I wanna smack myself and say, "Abby, pull it together," and give a third-person pep-talk, and also subsequently giving my parents more reason to give me looks of, "Wtf, we created this?!"

No, really though D:
I need to turn myself around right now.
I need motivation pl0x. :(

A few FYI's (:

2008-07-29T13:21:05Z

Before I start some controversy.
Against my own self, heehee.

For those on the verge of wanting to bash my face in ^^ :
PPPPFFFFFFF, lame D: I love Super Junior tremendously, just like the next fan. And I appreciate ALL of the members equally, as well as the fans. I'm thankful other people are willing to support them ~ So think about that before you try and find out where I live and throw dead pigeons at my house ;___; lol.

Why my LJ looks lame-saucy :
Blah, I'm too lazy to edit it or make it look half decent right now.
I have too many things going on this summer ~ :
Trying to get a job, (fail)
trying to learn Korean & Mandarin, as well as brush up on my Japanese, (fail x 100)
trying to find a good lyrical dance class,
trying to get back into good shape because I ate like a fatty this summer plox (rofl).

SUMMER, PLEASE STOP BUSTING MY BALLS, THANKS D:

HENRY & ZHOUMI RANT - PT1.

2008-07-29T01:47:53Z

Part One. I'm sure this will instigate something -____-;
But this issue needs to be discussed correctly, once and for all.

---

Henry Lau was chosen at the 2006 SM Entertainment Global Audition in Toronto, Ontario.
( YE YE, TORONTO REPRESEEEEENT. rofl sorry, moment. )

This is a talented young man who can play the violin, and piano, who can pop and lock, who can sing like an angel. Fluent in English - his primary language -, Mandarin, Cantonese, French AND Korean. He has so much going for him. He's obviously a hard-worker and extraordinary person. He's busted his balls to gain the chance to be an SM Entertainment trainee. He should be applauded for his efforts and triumphs, right ? ...So where's his well-deserved recognition from some of you self-proclaimed ELF fans?

And what about Zhou Mi ?

"Zhou Mi won the grand prize at the SM UCC Star Audition although he did not directly auditioned. The audition was held online within a three-month period from March 27 until early June 2007. His Korean friend entered the audition for him through the "Recommend a Friend" category, where he uploaded a customized video with Zhou Mi's singing clip." (WikiPedia)

Honestly, the only comments I see about them on YouTube, people's MySpaces and Facebooks, Cyworlds, etc, are all demeaning comments against him & Zhou Mi.

Yes, I understand you fell in love with 13. So did I.
Yes, I understand Lee Soo Man has "lied to everyone" and whatnot.
Yes, I understand it breaks your heart to see the boys in pain, hurt, and torn over this controversy.
Yes, I understand where all other reasoning comes from.

BUT DO YOU UNDERSTAND ? Understand the fact that you shouldn't be hating THEM ?
What did they do ? What did they do to you ?
Like I said earlier, they're young men who didn't want to intentionally crush your dreams of SuJu being Only13.
You clearly don't see the damage of the words you say.
They can't even say shit that's on their mind in public,
because they're not too sure if they'd get fucked over by whiny preteens over it.
Honestly, calling them names, insulting their talents.
That's not being faithful to the Only13.
That's being ignorant, childish, and dis-fucking-respectful.
Do you expect SuJu to respect you and love you more for disrespecting THEIR FRIENDS ?
Yeah, believe or not -
SUJU CAN TOLERATE HENRY & ZHOUMI AND HAVE DEVELOPED RELATIONS ALONG THE LINES OF FRIENDSHIP.

Ohhhhh, snaaaaaaaap @ u, amirite ?

Right now, I'm not asking anything from you.
Keep hating on Henry and ZhouMi, but you're completely out of line by doing so.
Don't like them. Don't love them. Don't remotely support them.

Your loss.